Archive for February, 2011

First up, just wanna wish all my blog readers who are celebrating the Lunar New Year a wonderful Year of the Metal Rabbit ahead. May this year be a great blessing for you and your loved ones and that all that you are endeavouring for this year be successful!

Silver & gold minted rabbits.

The first day of CNY had passed in a flash and so’s the first month of the year. The rapidity of time passing by really bothers me quite a lot of times and often made me ponder a lot. And when I slip into my often quiet, lonely and ponderous moods, everything feels depressing…and frustrating.

Like what I’m feeling now.

I’ve been advised a lot of times that it does one good to take time off and take a good hard look at oneself and reflect on one’s life thus far – how one has lived life so far, what great (or small) achievements one had succeeded in gaining, was it all worth it, was it all a waste and what’s gonna happen next in life? These questions and more were what I have been facing up to for the past couple of days, simmering in my mind and constantly the source of weird dreams I’ve been having of conversing and arguing with myself in front of a mirror.

All these boils down to just one question that I still find it difficult to answer. Well, not difficult but it’s just that I probably don’t know how to answer it, or maybe afraid to answer it. Because I know I’ll be immensely disappointed if I answer it honestly. That I can’t face up to the reality of it.

Come November 29 this year, I’ll be exactly 29. And a full year after that I’ll be hitting the BIG 3-0, which I am very afraid of. Heh, guess you can say that I’m having a pre-Thirties crisis or a pre-Thirties blues. Since graduating at the end of 2003 and starting my first real job in Feb 2004, it has been a long bumpy ride with a lot of potholes and roadblocks interfering in this journey of life that I am in. There were high points and there were low points and then, there were those seriously low points when I really thought of giving up altogether and whether life is worth living for when it’s this hard.

But I survived.

Thank God I survived. And it is God indeed that gave me strength to pull through. And it was friends that I love, that I cherish, that had stood by me till today that made it easier to get up, shake off the dust and soldier on again. Not to mention the promises that God has for me revealed through people who had prayed for me. It’s amazing how just by believing in those promises and believing in the good future that is yet to come that has slowly restored my spirits and made me think that “The future is what made my life worth living for, certainly worth going through. That all the pain of loss, the heartache, the humiliation and the failures I had endured were worth enduring.” So what if I am not perfect? I refuse to believe and accept all the lies and hurtful words people had said about me. I will be somebody. I will be influential. I will be used mightily by God in many ways through the ministries that He has planned and kept ready for me to take up when the time comes.

So, I’m believing that this year, the remainder 11 months, is another year of promise, another year of great expectations. I’m going to put all of my fears, worries, insecurities and anxieties behind me and look ahead with steely determination to make this year a great year for me in every area of my life – from my relationships with people, to my career and to my spiritual life. I’m not going to let anyone stand in my way of trying to achieve my dreams and my ambitions. My God is on my side, I shall have no fear because He is bigger than anything that tries to hinder the path that I am on.

Yes, this year’s will certainly be promising. Lots of things lined up…my first major decision of the year is to enrol for the School of Acts and pray that I will get accepted into it. It is a six-months intensive course on pastoral ministry, church leadership, evangelism, servanthood, spiritual gifts and discipleship. Apart from this, I’m making plans to travel a bit more often, to not be afraid of stepping out of my comfortable, sheltered life. Next is that I need to get started on that book of testimonies that I have been putting off for a few years now and to write more Holy Spirit-inspired lyrics that will move the hearts of the people to reach out to Jesus. Also, I need to start researching on which good Master of Arts programme that I should undertake next year to kickstart my career path as an academic and lecturer. And finally, one of my biggest dreams is to establish my own media empire, and so, I have to start learning how to go about making it a reality now by understanding the process of starting a company, the laws regulating the media, the capital I need and a viable product that is sustainable and long-lasting.

It all looks challenging alright, but I got faith to succeed. I got supernatural faith from above that will keep me going. I’ll end hear with the earnest, heartfelt prayer of Jabex that moved the heart of God so much that He granted him what he had requested. And what did Jabez prayed for? This, which is taken from 1 Chronicles 4:10:

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

I resolve to pray and declare this every morning I wake up from today onwards.

So, it’s another brand new year, another year of challenges. But I’m firmly believing that it is also a promising year for God’s plan to be unveiled in my life. That it is going to be year of blessing and year when I see God’s hand at work in every area of my life!

I pray that it will be the same for all of you too!