Keep your loved ones close by…

if you do not wish to see family relations go up in smoke…like my family’s.

I’ve been observing both my mom’s brother and sister’s families to see how their’s differ from mine, and I’m not surprised by the conclusion I came to – there’s a stark difference between both my relatives’ families with mine, and mostly it had to do with how both families’ kids relate to their parents.

I am sure my sisters, God bless them, love mom and I do love her very much, but it’s very obvious it’s hard for us to relate to her and communicate with her at times. It’s not so with my uncle and aunt’s families. Their kids have always stayed close by them and even if they did not, they always frequently come back to visit them. And because of that, I figured that’s how they managed to keep family relations from being torn apart or frayed apart beyond repair.

It’s difficult for my sisters to come back to visit often – it’s not cheap flying from Australia to Malaysia every year. Neither is it calling. Long distant relationships certainly does take a toll on the family, my family at least. Every time a sister comes back for a visit, mom and sis will inadvertently say or do something to hurt the other without meaning to. I’m tired of that happening but I don’t see any solution to this anytime soon.

I resolve to ensure that my own future kids stay close by to me, I don’t want to see parental relationships and sibling relationships disintegrate because of distance or because of other ill feelings. You want a happy, warm family? Keep them close by and promote peace, love, appreciation and tolerance in them from the time they’re young. By all means send them abroad for their education, but always ensure that you maintain contact with them. Spend time with them as much as possible, work and other commitments can wait but your family, your loved ones, they cannot wait forever.

I always wondered now how different my family would be if my sisters hadn’t chose to remain in Australia after their higher education but chose to return to Malaysia, to the family. One sister did return to Malaysia, but not Kuala Lumpur, choosing instead to stay at Johor, coming back to visit only occasionally during holidays. Still, it would be nice to have all three of my sisters living nearby and supporting, helping one another. But that’s only a dream now, I guess.

When my mom passes some day, I wonder what’s left of my family? Will we all care to get back and to maintain familial relationships or will we go our separate ways and lose all contact forever? Blood is thicker than water, as the popular saying goes, but I don’t see this as true in my family’s case. It’s sad.

Even if my sisters wouldn’t, I will still try and maintain contact regardless of everything. I don’t always say it in front of them, but I just want them to know that I love and care for them very much and I hope they know how it hurts me to see we not being close as we once were when I was still a kid.

To my sisters, if you’re ever reading this, please accept my apologies for always not making the effort to maintain contact with you all. I love you all and I really don’t want to see us breaking apart. Mom care about us, and wishes nothing but the best for us. If only we have a bit of patience and understanding, then we wouldn’t always have petty squabbles. I’m tired of being caught in the middle, my sisters. I just want a happy family, not one that doesn’t see eyeball to eyeball with each other.

I hope sometime in the future, all four of us can get together again with mom. We weren’t able to do that for dad, let us not miss the opportunity to get together again for mom. I know mom would leave this place in peace and content when she knows we are together. It would mean a lot to her.

What say you, my sisters? Can we work things out and resolve our differences with mom?


  1. Skype.



    Teach your mom to use the voice features, then they can talk all they want. It’s important. If your mom still argues, get her a Skype phone. I’ll even help you get it. ^_^

  2. journeyofadreamer

    Haha… trust Naoko-chan to be practical.

    As to the real problem, my dear sir, the solution is simple yet difficult. For a family to stick together, they must be comfortable with Love. I guess your mom couldn’t be because of the way things were. Maybe even in her background, she developed a barrier that causes her to hurt others even when she doesn’t want to.

    I really hope and pray things work out. If you don’t want the same, find Love (not a life partner kinda love, buddy, you know what I mean) and learn to live with it pervading your life.

    Remember, you don’t have to measure up to your dad or anybody else. Such expectations given to her by her parents probably passed on from her to you. Phil, don’t be what people say. Just be and let God deal with the rest. He and I and so many people love you just because you’re Phil. Once you can truly accept that without bashing yourself silly for not meeting expectations, you can open yourself to Love and let it pervade around you. I really hope this battle can be won.

    God bless, Phil.

  3. Thanks for the encouragement, Dreamer Sam! You’re a good friend and brother!

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