Feeling emo…

Wounded Soul – by Philip Gan C.K

Raging tempest afflicts the wounded soul,

 

From deep within it lashes out in fury –

 

In agony, the man lies low,

 

Torn between its inherent duty,

 

 

 

“What is left of my wounded soul?”

 

“Where shall I seek another?”

 

 

 

Like the sweeping darkness,-

 

It swallows him whole,

 

All that’s left is wretchedness,

 

All that remain is but a hole,

 

 

 

Torn asunder,

 

Is the being of the man –

 

Hopes, wishes and dreams surrendered,

 

To Destiny’s fateful hand.

*—————————————————————————————————————————————–*

This was written in the space of 30 minutes following a 45 minute telling off by mommy dearest to shape up or ship out. If you’re sensitive enough, you’d feel the hurt, the frustrations, the overbearing sense of uselessness (is there even such a word?). She has never ever tried to understand the position I am in, to take time to listen to my hopes and dreams. All she ever does to talk down on me, making comparisons with my other more “successful” relatives.

How can I explain to her when she doesn’t…won’t even want to understand? My passion lies in writing. It is what I always love to do, to compensate my lack of extroverted, public speaking ability. A steady, stable “safe” job is what she’d like me to have. I am really, really “torn asunder” so to speak. If this is how she sees me… it certainly “wounds my soul” that she doesn’t lend support to her only son.


  1. Sora

    I’ve been searching for just the right way to comment, and I do so out of love, so bear that in mind if you see something that doesn’t quite sit well with you.

    Are you absolutely sure she is upset with your choice to be a writer? I needn’t remind you that you are both still stinging from a recent personal tragedy; it is possible that she is still hurting and was easily “set off” by what at the time seemed like something matter-of-fact or even trivial. At the risk of being raked over the coals again, you might try going back to her in a few days, and ask her to elaborate on her displeasure with your chosen profession. Extreme emotion hinders rational thought, and having had some time to recoup, she may be better able to elucidate.

    As far as how to explain to her: carefully, but in a straightforward manner. Don’t dance around the issue, be assertive, but not forceful for sure. Something like, “I’m (hurt, bothered, saddened, etc.) that you dislike my career choice, but I feel that this is the best for ME, as my other relatives’ choices are best for THEM.” Perhaps you can get her to open up by asking, “I value your opinion, so what about my choice makes you feel that it is unstable or unsteady?” If you get an answer such as, “Because it just is!” or, “Because I said so!”, chances are it’s not your career that is upsetting her. An inability to cite specific issues could mean something deeper is troubling her; don’t try to drag it out of her, let her come to you with it…she may not yet be able to explain it herself, and trying to make her verbalize it could frustrate her even more.

    Ultimately, you must help her to understand that you are happy with your choices, even if you are the ONLY one happy with them. You do what you do to please yourself; if it pleases others in the process, great…if not, that’s fine too. One can never please everyone, so one must learn who cannot be pleased and accept that as fact, and continue. Yes, it can be disheartening to not have her support, but you do have other relatives to call upon. Do what you do, and do it well. Achieve success, and perhaps she will change her mind; maybe all she needs is to see you succeed to realize her fears were misplaced.

    I’ve been rambling for quite some time; I don’t know that I’ve provided much in the way of comfort, but I do hope you will find some guidance in these words, which are in lieu of a tight hug. I do pray that you will find clarity of thought as you face this challenge.

  2. darling do what you believe in. I believe you are smart, hardworking and successful. Too bad she feels insecure because you are finally doing something that is paying a decent salary.Prove it to her.

    I can definitely relate to it. It took me a long time to earn a little bit of “trust” but still I do get that nag sometimes. Guess it takes a while for parents to realise, we’re all grown up and we know what we’re doing. Just follow your heart, stay with what you believe it, do your best because I know you will always do your best, and you are quite the academic student. I know you are successful already as you are. The most important thing here is..ask yourself..

    am I successful?
    am I happy?
    am I confident about what I am doing?

    if you are no one can alter that..I don’t know if it’s true but Roosevelt said that no one has the rights to effect you emotionally unless you give them permission. So there you go. Words from a wierd looking mushroom pumpkin gal.

    Seriously..I believe in you and I can’t say any more than “I’m real proud of where you are right now.”

  3. Samster

    Gee.. Sounds like everyone else has said what needs to be said.

    I’m sorry it hurts, Phil, but my own dad is giving me that routine and the worse part is unlike you, I don’t have a fun job to flaunt in his face that pays well enough for me to be “worthy” of it.

    She’s just hurting and more importantly, afraid of what is to come.

    I hope you find peace with yourself and true sanctuary.

    Gambatte, Phil-san!

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