What a LLLLOOOOONNNNGGG Day!

October 20, 2005 in Personal Reflections

It’s half past midnight. And I’m still wide awake typing this from my laptop. I’m in my room right now. All is quiet in the house. ‘xcept for the crickets macking a racket outside.

It’s just me and mom in the house tonight. Dad’s staying overnight at the hospital for some heart tests after complaining of heart problems. Hope its not too serious. We’re already running dry and if he needs a bypass, we’ll have to break the bank to settle the hospital bills.

Or, we could just let the insurance guys deal with it.

Anyways, it’s been a very loooonnnnggg day as I said. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Time seems to crawl by the second every day to me… god, can’t wait for the day to be over and here I am can’t sleep. My day’s not over yet till I lay down and close my eyes.

So what’s keeping me up?

A lot of things.

Finances. The future. My family. My life. My friends. My dreams. You know, the usual humdrum of things that pierces deep into the dark, tortured recesses of my mind. Not that I’m on the verge of insanity nor am I starting to hear voices or anything. Just that I’ve got sooooo many things to think about and to settle.

As much as I try to stay upbeat and be my happy-go-lucky cheerful self, deep down I am tortured. Tormented. Frustrated. Disappointed. At what? At me. At my life. It’s just not going the way I had hoped it would be. And what the heck am I doing about it?

Nothing!

It figures. Its my fault and my own doing. Wish I could be more confident and more resilient. Gotta shut out the crticisms and discouragements from some people. Its no good wallowing in them. That’ll be emotional suicide. No, I gotta pick myself up again and try it all over.

Yeah… thats it – I gotta rise up like the phoenix and meet life head on! Tomorrow’s a brand new day of brand new opportunities. Like Robin Williams said in Dead Poets Society “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys!” Thats what I gotta do. Sure, it’ll be just another long, long, long day but I gotta give it a shot. Who knows what the future may hold for me tomorrow? Whatever it is, may it be good.

Thanks for listening y’all. Usually I ain’t this depressing. Just gotta unload some emotional baggage before I turn in for the night. It’s already 1am. Do really hope things will brighten up some. I sure need it.

Cheers and may your days to come be as colourful as the rainbow! (Jeez, thats just so lame!) At least, may it be better than mind!