It’s half past midnight. And I’m still wide awake typing this from my laptop. I’m in my room right now. All is quiet in the house. ‘xcept for the crickets macking a racket outside.

It’s just me and mom in the house tonight. Dad’s staying overnight at the hospital for some heart tests after complaining of heart problems. Hope its not too serious. We’re already running dry and if he needs a bypass, we’ll have to break the bank to settle the hospital bills.

Or, we could just let the insurance guys deal with it.

Anyways, it’s been a very loooonnnnggg day as I said. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Time seems to crawl by the second every day to me… god, can’t wait for the day to be over and here I am can’t sleep. My day’s not over yet till I lay down and close my eyes.

So what’s keeping me up?

A lot of things.

Finances. The future. My family. My life. My friends. My dreams. You know, the usual humdrum of things that pierces deep into the dark, tortured recesses of my mind. Not that I’m on the verge of insanity nor am I starting to hear voices or anything. Just that I’ve got sooooo many things to think about and to settle.

As much as I try to stay upbeat and be my happy-go-lucky cheerful self, deep down I am tortured. Tormented. Frustrated. Disappointed. At what? At me. At my life. It’s just not going the way I had hoped it would be. And what the heck am I doing about it?


It figures. Its my fault and my own doing. Wish I could be more confident and more resilient. Gotta shut out the crticisms and discouragements from some people. Its no good wallowing in them. That’ll be emotional suicide. No, I gotta pick myself up again and try it all over.

Yeah… thats it – I gotta rise up like the phoenix and meet life head on! Tomorrow’s a brand new day of brand new opportunities. Like Robin Williams said in Dead Poets Society “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys!” Thats what I gotta do. Sure, it’ll be just another long, long, long day but I gotta give it a shot. Who knows what the future may hold for me tomorrow? Whatever it is, may it be good.

Thanks for listening y’all. Usually I ain’t this depressing. Just gotta unload some emotional baggage before I turn in for the night. It’s already 1am. Do really hope things will brighten up some. I sure need it.

Cheers and may your days to come be as colourful as the rainbow! (Jeez, thats just so lame!) At least, may it be better than mind!


  1. Oh, my dear friend Philip. If only I could reach through the screen, to halfway around the world, and wrap you up in a big hug…well, I’d have very long, thin arms.

    Your mettle is being tested, whether you like it or not. You, right now, are being forged in the fires of life. You’re fine one minute and then BOOM!…a shot to the gut that doubles you over. Then BOOM!…another shot, doubled again. Remember, metal gets doubled over dozens of times when a sword is made; the result: a sword of incredible strength. Think of yourself as that piece of steel, being crafted into something greater. Does that analogy make any sense?

    As always, you and your family are in my thoughts. And remember another quote from Robin Williams, this time from Mrs. Doubtfire:

    Carpe dentum – sieze the teeth.” 😉

    A silly little gag, I know. But, if it brought even the slightest bit of a wry smile to your face, then it’s served its purpose.

    Be well, good friend.

    Sora ^_^ V

  2. Been there. Done that. And my cupboard is overflowing with the t-shirts. Is it any wonder most of the terrorists are young people like our disgruntled self?

    Just know Big Daddy and Tai Koh are looking out for you. You won’t go beyond what you can’t handle, my friend. Hang in there.

    “Let the world come crashing down
    Love can give a little more”

    Yes, I KNOW I need to pass you the song. I’ll try to remember it next time.

    Gambatte, Philip-San!

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