Looking towards the future…

and hopefully the future is brighter than what it is for me right now. Its such a mess… not socially but family wise and financial wise. Sure, everybody have problems with the latter – no money = no existence. Period. With inflation on the rise and everything keeps snowballing, sooner or later we’ll have to pay double or triple or quadruple the price of a char kuey teow. Imagine that – plate of char kuey teow = the price for a lunch set at Chilli’s!

Currently being unemployed and continuing my studies to obtain a 2nd degree, I have no choice but to make do with everything I have on a shoestring budget. I can’t always depend on my folks for everything. Even though I am living with them in my own house which I am still paying for, I also have pay my monthly life insurance policy as well. And my savings account ain’t that big amount and with the rate things are going at the moment, I’ll be flat broke in about a year or so.

Being in this condition definitely bruised my pride and ego and tamed me a little. Looking back, there were so many things that I should have been careful about and be wise about but thanks to my brash and naive self, I’ve blown everything to bits. I should have saved more and spend less but the rush of earning a couple of thousands got to my head and I started purchasing everything on my “I Want” list. A digital camera, two handphones, an LCD monitor, an external hard-disk, tons of books and dining at expensive restaurants finally took their toll on me. Too late for regrets now. I am not complaining… I feel good letting all this come out. I’ve learnt a lot of painful lessons the hard way and now, i just have to carry on.

If money problems isn’t enough to drive me up the wall, my own family is crumbling… torn apart by internal strife… of years of boiling bitterness, frustrations, indignations, anger and unforgiveness. I’m stuck right in the middle of it all. Now I know what it feels like being a rope pulled on both sides in a tarik tali contest. Why oh why?? Crap, I should know better than to ask that… being a person influenced and driven by Christian beliefs, principles and virtues. Guess I shouldn’t mope and or even blog this at all. Should spend time praying and hoping some of you might tell me. And of course, who could forget that oh-so-cliched phrase ‘Every cloud has its silver lining’ that is spouted by well-meaning people who obviously don’t have a clue.

Well, this has been an eventful blogging session. Guess I should stop ranting now and do look for that silver lining… if there’s any at all. My life… what has it come to? Afraid of what the future holds most of the time. Do I craft my own path of life or should I continue to lean on God’s guidance to do whatever He wants me to do. Only time will tell, i suppose.

What a big change in sentiment you must wonder, if you had been a follower of my blog since its conception. One day I’m all holy and professing God’s love and grace and the next… a wounded soldier thinking of giving up and just drop out.

That’s life for you, folks!


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